So uhh… this is not actually a Japanese movie per se, but I’m dumping it here because the orignal story IS from a Japanese animated film back in 2001? And well, Saya is Saya and it is set in Japan? Errr…
I’m a fan of Blood : The Last Vampire animated movie. I’m an even bigger fan of Blood+ ( which is the alternate universe/interpretation of the story and characters from Blood:TLV so I figured I might as well watch the live action movie just to see how it goes even if I went in without a single hint of expectation.
And guess what? Without expectation is still not quite enough to describe how hilariously bad this is XD;
On the surface, Saya is a stunning 17-year-old, but that youthful exterior hides the tormenting soul of a 400-year-old “halfling.”
Born to a human father and a vampire mother, she has for centuries been a loner obsessed with using her samurai skills to rid the world of vampires, all the while knowing that she herself can survive only on blood like those she haunts.
When she is sent onto an American military base in Tokyo by the clandestine organization she works for, Saya immediately senses that this may her opportunity to finally destroy Onigen, the evil matriarch of all vampires.
Using her superhuman strength and her sword, she begins to rid the base of its evil infestation in a series of spectacular and elaborate showdowns.
However it is not until she forms her first human friendship in centuries with the young daughter of the base’s general that Saya learns that her greatest power over Onigen may well be her ability for human connection ….
Okay, this is a serious case of “The description of the movie is much better than the entire movie itself”. Let’s move to what’s so loltasticly bad about it okay?
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The Plot : Or the lack of. I don’t get it. The original animated movie left so much space for others to fill in about the universe that I didn’t think it can make any purists go “OMG MY CHILDHOOD!” ala Bay’s Transformer. But there’s still a huge LACK of a proper plot/story here. Or maybe it does, only it’s executed so badly you wondered who murdered Plot and buried it in some backwater village.
The movie move from one disjointed event to another with no proper explanation why certain character acted the way they did. Saya’s human-connection friend as advertised was less memorable than a stray cat Saya might had brought home one day. That was why when said human girl boldly declared “It’s our war now [ against Onigen ]” you can hear the whole cinema going “WAT?!” at her.
And oh, the foreshadowing against Saya’s angst about being a ‘halfling’ COULD NOT HAD BEEN MORE OBVIOUS LULZ
Language : The good parts about the movie are the non-English speaking part. Or the part where Saya was kicking asses in no decipherable languages *nods* Hearing Koyuki speaks in English is giving me second-hand embarrassment, considering Onigen was supposed to be one of the most villainest creature that ever villain, in this movie!world. I mean, it’s hard to take the Evil Overlord seriously when she speaks with such obvious discomfort.
Also, Saya’s obvious discomfort speaking Japanese also made me lol XD ( she got better later on, but her first flashback at the village talking to her mentor is reaaaaaaally kinda weird XDD ) She’s good in English though. I-I guess, no one can win all the time :|
The Special Effects : As an 80s kid, I always found myself missing those hilariously bad Hong Kong horror-comedy I watched as a kid. Remember the bad special effects? Remember bad lights effect straight from the late 1980s ala Mr. Vampire? You can bask in the bad special FX of your childhood here in a 2009 movie! The transformation scene of the ‘vampires’ in the movie made me wondered out aloud asking who took the rejected costumes from your old Ultraman weekly monster and dump it here.
I wouldn’t really bat an eye if they’d told me they hired a studio to do the whole special effect back when they first released the animated movie in 2000. Seriously, Production I.G. why did you think this was a good idea?!
The Character : It will take several paragraph if I’m to list down every one of them so I’ll stick to Saya. She ANGST in the movie. What? Saya? ANGST? Saya has no time to angst! She’ll be too busy kicking asses!
So uhmm… at least I had a good time snarking at the movie with Star Wars quoting friends in the cinema itself?
But oh! Watch out for the awesome ninja-fights scene. That was really well done and I think the best thing that happened to the movie are the ninjas and the old man fighting them :D
Tags: blood the last vampire, movie
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Yasuaki Kurata FTW!
I was happy we saw this movie, because I think everyone found something to laugh out about it. The discussion afterwards was overflowing with emotion.
Comment by Booya — July 18, 2009 @ 8:22 pm
Joe looks kinda pained when he got out of the cinema so I was feeling kinda guilty XD;;; The discussion afterwards was actually filled with LOLs for me XD; I can’t believe just how BAD the whole movie was. But somehow ehh.. I enjoyed it a bit more than the dance movie earlier XD;;
Comment by madhatter — July 19, 2009 @ 11:39 am
Heyas, long time no see! People at work were speculating about this movie and because GLAY wrote such a nice theme song (”I am xxx” FTW!) I almost went to see it, but after reading your review I’m glad I held onto my yen.
Japanese-themed movies can be really, really good or really, really awful–there isn’t exactly a happy medium of suckiness, is there?
And psssssst…you never said what you thought about Ossan’s new VAMPS album…good, bad, or “OMG hyde’s having a mid-life crisis WTF?!” :P
Comment by Psyienna — July 19, 2009 @ 7:08 pm
Hello Psy! XD
YES! I was really excited because I knew GLAY did the theme song for it too and the song IS awesome! ( sad that it’s wasted on such a B-grade fest T__T )
But generally i think Blood IS a happy medium of suckiness XD My friend was saying “Mann.. this is so bad it actually ended up quite good (for laughs)” Any good Japanese movie that you can reccomend? Currently I’m just DYING to watch ROOKIES -å’æ¥-
Oh yeah I pre-ordered Ossan’s new album without thinking even though I don’t really follow VAMPS’ music career as close as I thought I would.
I’m torn 50-50 about the album though. There are songs that I wished he’ll stop screaming and oh gawd stop it with the all too western RAWR!ROCKER!RAWR!! attitude ( I listen to western rock too, but I think his voice is better suited not screaming lyrics out, and also musically, didn’t think it’s all that impressive ); But there are songs like COSMOS and SWEET DREAMS that made me feel that it’s close to the voice and music that I so love, I can almost cry =.=
IMO the whole VAMPS solo work is him dealing with mid life crisis for me XDDDD*coughs* okay, I’m a horrible fan XD;Comment by madhatter — July 20, 2009 @ 12:30 pm
Wow, a movie that actually has a “happy medium of suckiness”…I’ll have to rent it on DVD then! And I’m anxious to see Rookies too–the trailers were awesome and baseball!angst is always worth watching. I’d two-fistedly recommend Crows: ZERO II and if you haven’t seen it yet, Departues is worth a look-see.
I’m torn about VAMPS too–is it just me, or do you need to let the bulk of hyde’s solo work grow on you for a while? There were some songs that I loved right away (I’m with you on COSMOS and SWEET DREAMS. and EVANESCENT’s pretty enough to be a Laruku release) but I GOTTA KICK-START NOW, ummm….And I was delighted to see that TROUBLE wasn’t included on the album because when I saw the PV my reaction was:
Dear God, this is SO tommy heavenly :(
I keep checking the VAMPS concert dates and wondering if I should pick up a ticket–I can go, but do I like Ossan’s latest tunes enough to justify the expense? Maybe if I listen to the CD a few more times I’ll know more.
Comment by Psyienna — July 20, 2009 @ 6:34 pm
If you keep the word “B-grade movie” in mind, I think it’ll do just fine XD Did you follow the j-drama? Like you said, baseball!angst = &hearts There’s something sooooo awesome watching these shonen-seishun-burrrrrrnnninggggg-spirit series XDD
Agh! Crows ZERO! That movie is on my must-watch list FOR AGES but I can’t seem to find the movie anywhere! And now there’s even a 2nd movie T.T Oh oh! But I’d watched Departures! It was the last J-movie I am gonna review. It was so amazing! I loved it &hearts &hearts &hearts
Ugh don’t remind me of that HORRIBLE cover of the horrible song T.T Trouble was traumatising for me cuz it brings back some really LOLtastic and WTF juvenile memory XD; And I was pretty much “WTF???!” when I read that it’ll be the song they’re covering and there was actually be a PV for it *headdesk*
EVANESCENT is really pretty though. And I liked it better the more I listen. It’s strange really with hyde’s solo works, with the exception of a few songs ( Shallow Sleep, Season’s Call, Sweet Vannilla … I only started to appreciate most of them much later – especially his ROENTGEN works )
Oh VAMPS is touring everywhere now isn’t it? They’re going to Taiwan next month, which makes me go D: a lot, because I’m flying there in September for a week T.T
Comment by madhatter — July 20, 2009 @ 11:21 pm