Down The Rabbit Hole

Ee had been complaining to me about how small KL is ever since she came back, a fact which I brushed aside because come on, KL isn’t exactly a small town. But at the rate that I’m meeting people lately, the threads that connect people to each other have slowly unravelled itself, and it seems like the they are tied a lot closer that I had previously thought. Someone I’d just meet would turn out to be from my ex-college, who would turn out to be somebody else’s friend, who would in turn know a friend who someone else went to the same kindergarten with, who would happen to be from my school who would turn out to be in the same gym as a friend, and so on – at this rate, I’ll probably turn out to be my own grandmother.

Now I get what she means – and honestly, the claustrophobia is starting to make me feel damn uncomfortable too.

She watches the rain as it falls from her window
the sky gloomy, and lit aglow -
she weeps, and the world weeps with her.
She dreads the world as it crawls beneath her window
as traffic snarls and horns bellow -
she screams, and the world screams with her.
She hears the rain sing to her from outside her window
its music sad, and sounding hollow -
her heart bleeds, and the world bleeds with her.
She listens to the wind as it blows across her window
the city’s dreams it promises her, always tomorrow -
she falls asleep and dreams
and the world dreams with her.

To say that I disliked having my photo taken was a gross understatement. I hated taking pictures of myself with an unbridled passion most people usually reserve for killing people they majorly dislike, before chopping them up into several pieces and tossing them into the river. That’s not to say that I didn’t let anyone take pictures of me, just very reluctantly, and more out of politeness than anything else.

I hated the way I look. No matter what angle, what pose, what hairstyle, I’ve almost never found a photo of myself that I would willingly show to people or put up on sites like Friendster or Facebook. I look so stupid, I would think. So freaking horribly ugly.

Today someone asked if I was on Facebook.

Yeah, I replied. But I don’t really know how to work that thing. Plus I don’t have a lot of photos to upload anyway.

Why not? he asked.

I’m lazy, I replied. But it made me think about some photos which maybe I could upload, after all. The rare few photos that I took with friends. Perhaps I could upload it for them.

I opened a file, and took myself completely by surprise. And then I opened another. And another. And I got the same results.

I saw myself. Smiling, having fun, laughing with friends. Enjoying the moment. The stupid feeling that I used to have when I looked back at those photos wasn’t there anymore.

I actually no longer hate the way I looked.

And that made me smile. Perhaps I do have some photos to upload after all.

If there is one thing that I’ve always wanted tattooed on my body, it is this.

The rood inverse (blood-sin) from Vagrant Story, tattooed as it was on the back of Sydney Losstarot. Below is an image I found (after a lot of digging around the web) of someone with the tattoo, albeit inverted. I have no idea if there’s any significance behind the inverting as I’ve seen the design both ways before, but anyway, here’s the image:

Damn, I’m such a dork.

*snipped off part of conversation*
Me: Yeah, I guess I’ll have some of that, then.
Li San: What? You had the son of Batman?

—

Ee: Quick, let’s go. Haul ass!
Me: Huh? Ho ass?
Ee: Haul ass!
Me: Whore ass?
Ee HAUL ASS! H-A-U-L A-S-S!
Me: Oh.

Since I don’t really have much to say lately, this is temporarily turning into a foodie blog of sorts. Maybe I should go create a new category to dump this in or something. Anyway, presenting…

Nagomi@Jaya 33 (the spanking new building across the main road from Jaya Supermarket).

Some pics of the interior. Suede seats are really comfy.

As I mentioned before, I like taking pictures of lights. Don’t ask why. This is the uplight between the seats.

Me and the madhatter with our food.

More pics of the food. The sushi pic came out a bit blurry :’( What we got was pretty good value, I think. For RM60 (set) we got 6 pieces of really really fresh sushi, a plate of veggie, a place of sirloin beef, two pots of soup, two bowls of rice, and two cups of green tea ice cream. And yes, we fell in love with the soup, once again. Although this is a bigger hit on our budget compared to Satsuma, so we’re trying really really hard not to want to come too often XD

I’ve been mulling over my situation for a long time, and in the end I’ve come to a decision. I hate the way my life is going. I hate the way I slog at work, come home at 8pm to 1am, sleeping my weekends away to make up for lost sleep, or worse, have to work on the weekends. I hate how I come home tired from work everyday wanting to sleep yet spend time idling away precious time to unwind myself. There are so many other things that I want to do with my time yet I can’t because it’s being spent at work. The pressure and stress is so great that honestly, I can’t stand it anymore. Hurting myself made me feel better the last time. So in the end, I’ve decided that the best thing to do is to start hurting myself again.

I have everything I need to start. Now all I need to do is find myself a gym.

I was replaying this over and over again the last weekend and it hit me that although this was a really old song, I’ve never seen the video before, so I decided to go look it up Youtube. Video’s not fantastic, but this is one of my favourite songs ever. Funnily enough, it makes me feel better when I’m depressed. Repeatedly playing it over the weekend helped out a lot, along with hanging out with friends and having fun. Ahhhhh, feeling so much better now. Although I still have at least two to three weeks of hell to go through. Fuck.